Memory Lane
2000 Back stage at Staples. With Suzan Koc, Guy Roche, Xtina, Steven Rosen, Ron Fair
I’m sure this must happen to you too: you get in your car … your phone talks to Bluetooth … a random song starts playing from iTunes. (I don’t know how to turn this function off. It’s part of the mystery of technology. To me at least.)
The song sounds familiar. You’re trying to place it. And when it gets to the hook you realize, “Hey I think I wrote that! Wow, it wasn’t half bad … for it’s time.” You smile. Ok, then.
Now you have a decision to make. Do you listen to more of your uncut stuff (cuz you know those demos are gonna keep coming) or to that Celeste album again. Cuz it’s that good. I usually opt for “other” music. Why do I need to hear more of me? But for some reason yesterday I said, “Bring it.”
After decades of songwriting and thousands of demos, from writing to tracks to writing from scratch, this is like going down memory lane. Michelle Lewis once said, “songs are like photographs … snapshots in time.” Uh huh. Some of which I can hardly remember. Who’d I even write it with?
I’m on the elliptical at the gym. I’m here for a while. One after another. I’m going down that rabbit hole.
That hook was fantastic but the verses sucked.
Those verses sucked but the hook was fantastic!
That’s the one I thought would be perfect for Kelly Clarkson. She didn’t agree.
Looking back she was right. The lyric could have been better. Then again it was a time when lyrics didn’t have to he so shocking. Or ‘bite-y.’ Lots of my songs with “milder” lyrics got recorded. One or two became big hits and are gifts that still give.
Listening on … there are quite a few why-the-hell-didn’t-that-ever-get-cut tracks as well as what-the-hell-was-I-thinking tracks. It’s so easy in retrospect isn’t it — when you have history and experience behind you — to separate the cream from the schlock and to recognize where you went wrong and when you got it absolutely positively right?
These songs tell my stories. … the drama and joy that fell out of my head and my heart over the years. It’s like re-visiting my teenage diaries. Which I’ve actually been doing a lot of lately.
What’s going on?
Maybe I’m looking back because it’s time to turn a page.
The “rooms where songwriting happens” are so different now. Do I even want to be there? The answer is yes. But I want to be there on my own terms … working on projects that seek me out where the love and respect are mutual and reciprocal.
Oh, don’t get me wrong. There are plenty more songs to write. Perhaps there’s even another hit on the horizon. And if that should happen again it’ll happen with very little planning and when I least expect it like the handful of others.
But simultaneously, maybe it is time to cash in some chips. Enjoy some fruits of my labor. An apple. A pear. Buy a pied-à-terre in my beloved Ny? 😬😬😬😬 I’m teaching in the fall. That’s something new. They say ‘if you can’t do, teach.’ F*ck that. I can do and teach at the same time. I love talking about songwriting. I’m looking forward to having that conversation with a class full of young enthusiasts. I love my advocacy work with SONA. Mentoring. I love vegging on the beach! So much that I enjoy.
Still. It’s hard to turn the page. I’ve had a blast in those rooms. But I think if we have stuff to look forward to it doesn’t feel so much like something is ending but that a new chapter is beginning. A transition.
I have many mixed emotions. Can you tell? I’m trying to embrace them all. And do it with grace. It’s a hard balance.
How am I doing? 😳
************************
Here’s a track I wrote in 2004 with Eve Nelson and MIchelle Lewis. (Lucy Woodward is singing). I always loved this song because it’s about appreciating yourSELF. I thought Pink could have done well with it!
My favorite line: “Just wanna do my thing and write a book about it all some day.” And then I did.
Thanks for reading. If you'd like to subscribe to my weekly musings please click here. Listen to my album 2.0 etc…Follow me Insta. Visit my Serial Songwriter Facebook Page. Get a signed CD or a copy of “Confessions of a Serial Songwriter.” ☮️