More Today Than Yesterday

Hi Mom!

Another May. Another Mothers Day. I miss you. But you know, if you came to visit you might not recognize the world. A lot has changed since you left in 2003. Like what you ask? Well…

Half the country can’t agree on what truth is. Also…we have some new words in our vocabulary like “Covid” and “social distance” and “variants.” You can’t start a conversation without their mention. Don’t ask! It was a surreal year — a year I’m thankful you didn’t have to experience. 

What else…we spend a lot of time on “smart phones” searching for the perfect meme or emoji. (I stick with this one: 😳. I find it covers a lot of ground.) We’re beholden to these devices. Can’t do anything without them — even read a restaurant menu. Sometimes these smart phones are really stupid. Mine spells my name wrong.

There are things I’d love to ask you, tell you like…

Remember that recipe for rice pudding you wrote on an index card? Well, I love that I have something with your handwriting but you never said how long I should leave it in the oven! I’m always having to guess.

Also…I think a lot about how different parents used to be. You guys were so hands-off. I didn’t report every heart-break or mean-girl or every place I was going when I slipped out the front door. (Thankfully, you couldn’t track me back then.) I know I must have given you a run for your money but I got the feeling you thought I knew what I was doing. And I kind of did. Because you believed I did. And I trusted you.

Here’s something I regret: I used to brush you off…like you were out of touch or couldn’t possibly advise me on any “lifely” matter. But now, a grown woman myself, I long for your counsel…and I hear myself sharing with my daughter the same sober thoughts you shared with me. The difference is she gets it. She lets me in. I’m lucky. In fact we pretty much talk on a daily basis…cuzza “FaceTime.” (Again, don’t ask). When I was in college I spoke to you and Daddy on Tuesday nights when I called collect from the payphone on the 2nd floor. It would drive me crazy talking to my daughter once a week. 😳There it is again. See? 

Moving on. When did you start walking into a room and forgetting why you were there?

Did you have physical maladies you didn’t tell me about? Cuz I could sure use a genetic roadmap right about now. It would save me several $250 Tele-Med calls, a follow-up with the $400 office visit (to a doctor who doesn’t take any insurance.) What’s a Tele-Med call? Oh, that’s a result of the Covid thing. And charging for them isn’t going away. No more free follow-up questions. They’ve found a way to make up for people who don’t want to pay for concierge service. Now they can charge us anyway. Health care, Mom >>> 😳 😳 😳

I’ve sadly (and gratefully) gotten used to you not being here. Isn’t that what we wait for when we lose somebody — to get used to it? It’s the only way we can get on with our lives. It’s just that the older I get the more questions I have. 

You knew more than you let on. And even when you did offer up unsolicited advice I dismissed it. But today, I’d do anything to have it. Or just to hear your take on things. 

It’s a beautiful morning and I’m strolling an immaculate beach except for the occasional mask left behind in the sand. What’s a mask? 😳

Like I said, it’s a whole new world (A new fantastic point of view!) It’s always had its troubles and atrocities but now it’s just WEIRD! Sometimes I hear “What the Word Needs Now is Love” or “More Today Than Yesterday” and I think of you in those metallic cigarette pants and Daddy in his polyester leisure suit going out on the town and leaving me at home with the babysitter — hair rolled up atop her head in soup cans — and remember how blissful innocence was…sitting in the back seat of the Rambler waiting for my favorite song on an AM radio.

Don’t worry. I’m really ok, Mom. Better than most. Just checking in. Hopefully next year I’ll report on travel and parties and concerts. They say Broadway will open in September. In the meantime…if you could send me a sign about how long the rice pudding needs to stay in the oven that would be great. 

Love, Me

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