Say You’re Sorry
Seems like there’s no shortage of “National Something Days.” While I understand the traditional Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, (I even get “National Siblings” and “Dogs Day”), I’m not sure I understand the need to celebrate “National Star Wars Day” or “National Swim a Lap Day.”
But, if there must be an abundance of “National Days” I’d like to nominate “National Say You’re Sorry Day” — when you wake up and apologize to someone for something you did that wasn’t right.
For instance yesterday it was 70 and sunny. I put the top down on my beloved convertible, released the emergency break and “Pulled away slowly, feeling so holy My god I was feeling alive,“ (Thank you Tom Waits and The Eagles). And then headed for the ocean.
Waze directed me north of my usual route. I couldn’t imagine why. I kept resisting her. She wouldn’t change her mind. Fleetwood Mac came on ... “Go Your Own Way.” So I listened. That was my first mistake.
Because … a few miles west on the 101 it was bumper-to-bumper. A flashing neon sign above the highway read “Crash Up Ahead/Traffic Jammed … (and) Shelly Peiken! That’s what u get for not trusting Waze!”)
Ugh.
I begged Waze to forgive me (that was my first I’m Sorry). She instructed me to exit ASAP. Duh.
I got in the left-most lane of a 2-lane off-ramp and stopped at the light ahead. When it turned green I proceeded to make another left when suddenly there was an elderly man in a car to my right headed straight for MY lane.
Through his window he saw our cars about to collide and started yelling. I couldn’t hear him but I saw his mouth opening and closing (like Will Smith on mute). I simultaneously shouted, “What the hell are you doing?” He was honking and honking. I was honking and honking. He looked aghast and terrified. We were inches away from ruining each others’ day.
Fortunately we escaped metal on metal and shimmied back to safety. But as my adrenalin level recalibrated I started going over my ‘exit-ramp-choreography’ and the more I thought abt it I realized it was I who transgressed into his lane. Not the other way around. I nearly gave the poor guy a heart attack. I don’t want to be the someone who makes another human feel that way. Especially when IT WAS DEFINITELY MY FAULT.
Now my car was behind his with a few vehicles in between us as we moved on with our respective journeys. I was trying to think of how I could tell him I was sorry - renew his faith in women in convertibles singing at the top of their lungs, “Welcome To Hotel California.”
If we got to a red light I could jump out of my car, prance over to his window, hands in prayer position, atone for the error of my Waze 😇 and apologize profusely, humbly, and sincerely — tell him it was “My Bad.” In which case he might have scarfed, “What the hell is ‘My Bad?’” But more likely he’d roll up his window to protect himself from the crazy lady. I wouldn’t have blamed him. It’s the wild west out there. Ppl are nuts.
Which reminds me of a lyric Jude Cole used on a track we were working on years ago. His first line was “My Bad” and I was like, “Jude! What the hell is My Bad*?“
Alas, no red light presented itself. Grandpa made a right and I made a left. That and was that. Sadly I did not get a chance to express my remorse.
But at least my conscience went through the motions. So often we’re so dug into our own one-sided perspective we don’t give ourselves the opportunity to examine our actions.
On the way home I stopped at the supermarket and began writing this blog in the parking lot … tapping it out furiously into my phone — deep in my zone — when some guy knocked on my window and said “excuse me ma’am.” I heard him mutter something about a “wheelchair” and I automatically assumed he was about to tell me a sob story and would surely ask for money. Which I might have given him if not for … 🦠 ! I held up the flat side of my hand to signal ‘not now’ and continued tapping.
A minute or 2 later I noticed that same guy lifting a man from a wheel chair into an SUV parked to my left. There was barely any space between our cars and they were struggling to maneuver.
Omg.
All he had wanted was for me to move my car and give them more Room.😳😳
I was mortified. Twice in one day.
I rolled down my window and said, “I … Am … So … So …. Sorry. Is there ANYTHING I can do?”
Too late.
He could’ve said, “You had your chance, bitch,” but he didn’t. Instead he said, “No worries,” — Didn’t make me feel like shit.
I still felt like shit.
To be fair there are occasions when I am transgressed upon and would appreciate an apology. Like when that asshole in a shiny black Tesla was backing into me and I honked my horn** (several times) to let him know he was abt to make contact. He got out of his car, hands on hips and shouted … “Lady! This car is designed so that it can’t back into anything even if it wanted to!” Like I was some kind of idiot who didn’t get the memo abt Tesla’s technology. It just so happens my husband owns a Tesla. I still didn’t know it had this fancy function. Excuuuuuse me.
I assure you that guy didn’t have any such meeting with his conscience later on that night. He would undoubtedly be oblivious to National Say You’re Sorry Day if there was one.
But for others it can be cathartic and freeing. It certainly came in handy for moi.
We all make mistakes.
It’s a challenging, mixed-up, polarized, uncertain world out there. Perhaps a day to celebrate forgiveness — dole it out and receive it — isn’t such a bad idea. Maybe it won’t save humanity but it’ll make someone feel … for lack of a better word … seen. It would certainly be more useful than National Dinosaur Day or Oscar The Grouch Day. (These are real!) Juss sayin.’
Sorry seems to be the hardest word. But actually it isn’t. And once it’s out of your mouth you feel cleansed. Like you’ve forgiven yourself too. But sometimes we have to ask for it before we can receive it.
*******
**PS…
I’ve often thought that automobile manufacturers should make car horns that dispense three different kinds of beeps:
1- A loud alarming blast to warn somebody you’re about to crash into them 😳
2- A medium irritated honk that says “are you texting? The light is green, go already!” 😡
3- And a short friendly yip for when you’re about to infringe on someone’s space, manage not to and wish to acknowledge with something like — “Sorry … that was MY BAD*!!!” 😄
*******
PPSS…
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