Play It Back

A few weeks ago songwriter goddess (and friend) Lauren Christy asked me if I would participate in the Teen Cancer America Play It Back Music Program, founded by Roger Daltrey and Pete Townshend. We’d spend the day with a handful of adolescent and young adult cancer patients and survivors and … write songs. (Other artists who’ve participated in the past — Sabrina Carpenter, Andy Grammar, Tori Kelly. Impressive.)

Well, of course I would. Oh But wait ... I blocked out that weekend to go to the ocean. My ear is still squealing and the sound of waves masks it and lowers my anxiety. Sigh. (More on my progress next week). 

Let me also say … I pay it forward often. I’m a mentor to many. I volunteer. BUT I must pass on an “ask” now and then in order to maintain self-care in my life … and have quality time to tend to my own creative commitments. 

But this is not just another ‘songwriting camp.’ And Lauren is someone I admire deeply. She wouldn’t have reached out unless she thought it was an excellent program and that I could bring value to it. She said she’d be there and would lead the way.

And then she got Covid! 

Now, if you do what we do, you know that sometimes we’re multi-tasking and juggling so frantically that we don’t actually hear all the details of how a project came to be. For instance … in the Play It Back /Teen Cancer Program there’s a group of producers (organized by Kenli Mattus) who’ve been going to children’s hospitals for years to offer young cancer patients a creative outlet via songwriting. They choose to go when they could be recording with superstars. 

There are those of us who refuse to forsake a pro-writing session for anything. Not for giving back. Not for advocacy to ensure creators (such as themselves) get paid. I guess the business is so competitive they’re afraid to write one less song. 

I don’t get it.

And so … when the sun came out this morning instead of heading toward the ocean I tossed my guitar into the trunk and headed to producer Benny Blanca’s studio. Benny Blanco of  Ed Sheeran, Justin Bieber, Halsey, Katy Perry, Maroon 5, Kesha, Britney Spears, Rihanna, Sia, The Weeknd, Avicii, Selena Gomez, Adam Lambert, Charlie Puth, Keith Urban, Tory Lanez, Wiz Khalifa, J Balvin, Kali Uchis, Juice Wrld and SZA fame. Not too shabby. He had offered up his spacious rooms, with an assortment of Wurlitzers, Steinways, and guitars lining the walls. Lunch, snacks, engineers, Bean bag chairs. Kombucha. Cold brew. 

Lauren Zoomed in to greet us. (We all know how hard it is to put on some lip color and comb our hair when we’re sick as a dog. But hey … not as hard as having cancer since you were 10.)

Eight young people (most in their 20s now) shared their experience. Between the kind of cancer they’re dealing with and what the treatment is, they’ve all had a unique journey. And prognosis. Then there’s the PTSD that follows once you’re lucky enough — if you’re lucky enough — to be in remission. And yet they were so positive, brave, smart, cheery, ready to write! 

I was taken down a notch. Humbled yet again. Does it ever stop? How had I ever considered not participating? Ugh. Feeling small. 

I was paired with another ‘Pro’ -  tiLLie* - the original tiLLie vs. Tilly - who apparently “borrowed” the original tiLLie’s name and likeness. This was awkward to learn because Tilly just cut one of my songs. 😳

Tilly vs. tiLLie*

We were in the Red Room with 4 enthusiastic survivors whose stories we were encouraged to incorporate into our song even if WE thought we had a better idea. This is hard for me. I always think my Idea is better. I can be SO bossy. How would I put a lid on THAT girl? 

But you know what? These kids had game. (Hey, they practiced in the hospital!) They were painfully honest about an experience I know nothing about. Someone confessed that when he was ‘going through it’ he had to give himself permission to admit the fear of dying was easier than living. Umm. We’ll be using THAT line, thank you very much.

They had feels where I was coming up empty. Fresh rhymes that hadn’t occurred to me simply because they’re not jaded from 25 years of songwriting. And they’re not set in their ways, like someone I know.

After our session we shared our vulnerable song with the other group … whose track was seriously sassy enough for Dua Lipa. 

What a meaningful day in the midst of a horribly challenging week. I go to sleep crying. I wake up in a panic with visions of a young woman being abducted from a music festival and imagining it could have been Layla. Families running south for their lives. And the children! I keep thinking of Sting’s “I hope the Russians love their children too.” I know they do. Children are innocent no matter who they belong to. 

It was a relief to distract myself from this horror — and not by way of basking in the sun. 

And I imagine that if you were diagnosed with cancer as a child you might wonder if it was your fault. It might change your whole orientation to the world. To friends. To family. You don’t sweat the small stuff? You cherish every sunrise and sunset? So who’s mentoring who?

It was a perfect place for me to spend the day even if ‘the place’ was a dark studio on a stunning California afternoon. It was exactly where I was supposed to be. The ocean isn’t going anywhere.  

🌊☀️😎🏖🐟

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Wanna donate to this awesome program? Teen Cancer America - Ways to Give

I’m playing tonight at WritersBlock at Hotel Cafe.  Wanna come?

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