What is Happy
I’m a sucker for a ‘Dark Pop’ song because I’m Happy when I’m melancholy. Moodiness has always fueled creativity for me. Cue Chappell Roan’s “Kaleidoscope.” My new favorite downer.
If people ask me if I was Happy in my 20s, although it appeared that I was outwardly, I have to say I wasn’t always Happy in the true sense of the word. BUT … I was enjoying my growth, my evolution, my angst because … I had songwriting in my pocket. I had an outlet. If I had a dark day I could turn it into art. And THAT made me Happy.
So maybe the question is: is being not-so-Happy when we’re coming of age necessarily a bad thing (if we’re artists?) And do underlying reasons for happiness morph as we get older?
I thought about this a lot over the past couple of weeks strolling NYC streets — (the place I spent those 20s.) And I listened to “Kaleidoscope” ad nauseam which is probably the reason for this blog.
The driver of the taxi on the trip in from the airport was a mad man. Traffic was insane. Waze said 1:37. He made it in 50 minutes. This made me Happy! I gave him a really good tip.
Next night I played The Bitter End where my name is still 'Sharpied in a heart on the wall in the not-so-green room along with the initials of the guy who used to run the sound there. It makes me think of “Walk Away Renee” — “Your name and mine inside a heart upon a wall.” This sad song makes me Happy too.
After a few days of sunshine I prepared for many days of rain. NYC + Rain + “Kaleidoscope” can be suicidal. But not for me. It was either the $300 trench coat from Madewell or the $15.99 gently-worn rain frock I found at a thrift store. I Happily bought the latter!
During my Thursday Songwriting class I presented “Kaleidoscope” as an example of a song that uses a simile or a metaphor as the title. Students are to choose a ‘thing’ and then support their ‘thesis’ (a Stephen Bray-ism) by comparing the characteristics of said thing with an experience, a feeling, a situation: “I am Titanium” - strong/bulletproof. “Life is a Highway”- a windy road. “Like A Virgin”- touched for the very first time. “Kaleidoscope” posits that the toy and that ‘love’ share characteristics of changing patterns depending on how you look at them/ or through them. This exercise makes me Happy.
When I was going downtown to see some friends over the weekend I checked the overhead sign in the subway that informs riders of the number of minutes until their next train arrives. (It’s a very helpful addition to NYC life.) A C-train was coming in 6 minutes. That made me Happy as in my 20s we often waited a half hour. I paced the platform (I can’t stand still in the subway) and then I looked for the updated ETA but I didn’t see the sign anywhere. Am I going mad? It wasn’t to the left of me OR to the right of me. WTF? Then I looked up. And there it was. Directly above my head. OMG. This made me laugh at myself. Happy.
Last day in the city it was poring. Flooding, actually. I didn’t care. I walked uptown to return an Amazon package at Whole Foods (glad I bought that rain frock) while listening to my new audio book, Covenant of Water … in the rain! They say books find you. They are correct about so many things.
Heading back down to my little flat I finally got me my NYC slice. Hard to believe I waited so long. It was the perfect balance of tomato and cheese, the perfect temperature, the perfect thickness. I folded it in half in typical New York fashion. I had some spectacular meals on this trip but honestly, I think that one was the best. (And the cheapest.) I pondered lovers at tables for 2 in restaurant windows. I hope they’re as Happy as I am — all by myself with my slice.
Is contentment enough of a single ingredient to justify Happiness? If we’re content, can we still write an authentic angsty pop song (Paul McCartney?) When I listen to “Kaleidoscope” I can. It takes me elsewhere. It brings me back. It gets me in touch with that heart on the wall in the not-so-green room at the Bitter End. And that makes me So Damn Happy.
Love is a Kaleidoscope
How it works we'll never know
And even all the change
Is somehow all the same
Turnin' to the left and right
Colors shining in your eye
And even upside down
It's beautiful somehow
It's never just a shape alone
Love is a Kaleidoscope
So is Happiness.
❤️
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Diane, You got a little nuts at the end but I hear we all do/will. Thank you for your service.
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