Tinnitus 😳

“You know you’re getting older when you go to bed feeling fine and wake up with a wound.” Those are the wise words of my friend Cinnia.  

I come to you today with a mystery malady. I wasn’t gonna mention it because I’m so tired of being ‘that girl.’ Last summer I lamented about my torn shoulder. Beginning of this summer I broke my foot. A vocal hemorrhage not too long ago. But I’m going to be that girl because when you share mystery maladies, especially an ear-related one on a forum where there are a lot of sound-centric creators, you may get some Clarity.

Here goes: a week before I pushed off for Safari my left ear started hissing and squealing. Tinnitus they call it. I’m well-aware. My Dad had it. I never really understood what it was. Now I do.

We all have a bit of tinnitus. It’s that ringing in your head after a concert — usually gone by the morning. Mine didn’t go away. I had it all trough Safari and it’s still going strong. 5 weeks later. Some days are better than others. Today it’s bearable. (Gummies help.) Yesterday was insane. 😫😫

It’s not pretty — a control free with a un-budgable ring in the ear … though I’m not in pain and it’s not an internal organ gone south. This I am grateful for. Still. When I’m occupied, out with friends or in a jeep in Africa 🐘it’s easier to block out. But then you go to bed and the silence can be maddening. I happen to love the silence. But not currently.

There’s no cure for tinnitus itself, only a possible underlying issue. My doctor asked if I’ve been listening to music ‘on 11?’ No. (Maybe 9, but not 11.) We’ve ruled out infection, build up, thyroid issues, blood pressure, hearing loss. I’ve tried masking the squeal with white noise, pink noise, brown noise, purple, underwater noise, crickets, cicadas, waves. You name it. I’ve taken Riboflavin, B12, ginseng. I’ve watched the salt. I’ve comforted myself with triple creme Brie and other delicacies. It’s still there.

I’m an optimist at heart … I DO believe it will subside at some point. Because often mystery maladies disappear as mysteriously as they arrived. But in the meantime…

I ventured to the Studio City Public Library — got a library card and now have carte blanche to audio books. Then on to the market I went with a story in my ears. I couldn’t pay attention though — kept thinking “where are the lentils? Don’t forget milk and yogurt.” I’ll try again later when I don’t have anything else on my mind. While I take a bath, perhaps! Yes! I’ll take a bath. (There’s that the gummie kicking in!)   

The more gummies the less I hear. I mean … the less I care. This calls for another gummie.

Once a doctor told me, when I came to his office with a reoccurring issue, that we all manifest our anxieties in different parts of our bodies 😡. He prefaced the theory with “Don’t take this the wrong way but …”  I assure you, I will ALWAYS take it the wrong way if you start out with that. He wasn’t being a dick though. And the truth is, the malady-of-the-moment was REAL but worrying about it definitely made it worse. 

I went to an acupuncturist. She made no promises but was confident. I feel like I have a partner in crime now. I mean … Adam and I are ‘in sickness and in heath’… but the poor guy just got done chauffeuring me around for 2 months because of my broken foot. I have to give him a break! Dr Ho. stuck some needles in my right foot. I was like … Dr. be careful — that foot was just ‘broke’. And she said, “Well no wonder your ear hurts. The left ear and the right foot are opposite sides of the same meridian.” I’m not sure what that meant and it sure sounded like voodoo but it made sense to her: when my foot is all good, my ear will follow suit. 

To be safe, I scheduled an MRI for week after next but I’m pretty sure my brain is Ok. No dizzy. No Blurry.

Please tell me if you’ve experienced tinnitus and how long it lasted. But here’s the thing: if you’ve had it for years and it never went away I don’t want to know. That reality is frightening. I want only hope. And don’t tell me you’ve learned to live with it. There’s no way I can ignore this screech when it’s full-on. Only hope, folks. Tell me you had it for a few months and now you’re fine. Tell me success stories. I know I’m in denial but that’s the way it has to be. Denial is powerful.

I guess what I’m saying is … tell me it will be ok. 

OK? 

Because it will.

👂👂👂👂👂👂

Thanks for staying with me. If you'd like to subscribe to my blog please click here. Listen to my album 2.0 etc… Get a signed CD or a copy of “Confessions of a Serial Songwriter.” And here’s My Serial Songwriter Facebook Page! I’m just not that into Twitter. I mea X 💋